I am 189 in dog years

When I was 17, my Government teacher, Mr. Cwodzinski asked us to create a project that defines our political beliefs. The first line of my project read like this: “I am a 16 year old female with the political beliefs of a 50 year old male”.

This is not a post about politics.

This is a post about why im old as shit.

As I write this, the hoodlums below are listening to something that actually makes me blush when I try to Shazam it.

I am to the point in my life when I roll up (in my red volkswagen beetle with a white flower) like a badass listening to hall ‘n oates, to a stop light and a 1999 Toyota Corolla with 4 teenage boys pull up next to me with loud music. I mouth “I know your mother” while pointing to my iPhone. I choose not to shout it because they may hear me and I only point to my phone because its the only weapon I have with me.  If they decide to get even rowdier I will just throw it at them.

Case in point, about a year ago there were some children living below us.  Usually pretty nice, once one of them held the door for me. They typically waved with all fingers. One night at 3am, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.  Until those little fuckers came home from the bar with all the skanks in Hilton Head in tow. It would have been fine had the fat drunk one wasnt calling to her anorexic friend from the balcony.

I called the cops and then watched in my pink bathrobe from the window.

Listen, I am not a fun-hater, i am just a peace and quiet lover.

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