Playing hardball at PetSmart

For the last two years, @jaredwsmith has said no to me being a proud owner of a fish.  In the time that he has said no I could of had 3 fish.

Today he gave in. 

We went to PetSmart to get some stuff for the dogs and to get our new fish. Our initial thought was a beta fish.  We walked around and decided to get our new friend his gear before we picked him out which in hindsight that doesn’t work because what if he doesnt like it?

We approached the 16 year old girl who is manning the reptile and fish area.  Prior to her helping us i saw her dip her little hand into a container of bugs without flinching. She is the type of girl everyone in high school avoids.  She digs biology, slimy things and books about wizards. She will probably grow up, go to an expensive college, get contacts and cure things that kill goldfish but today she works at PetSmart.

We walk up to her with our hands full of all our new stuff for our fish and were debating, black or orange? black? or orange? The black ones with the big eyes weird me out but the little orange ones are too common.  She approached us.

Nerdy Michelle Trachtenberg: “Hey can I help you with anything?”

Me: “Yeah, i think we want to get a fish today”

Nerdy Michelle Trachtenberg: “sure, you can’t get a goldfish to put in that bowl.”

Me: “I have had fish since I was 4, i can roll with a goldfish, relax”

Nerdy Michelle Trachtenberg: “I am sorry, but I cannot sell you a goldfish if youre going to put it in that bowl”

me: “what?”

Nerdy Michelle Trachtenberg: “how about a beta fish?”

me: “maybe, but i really want a goldfish”

Turns out they only had the female beta fish.  Female beta fish look like they’re dead male beta fish.  they have no color and their fins are small.

Nerdy Michelle Trachtenberg: “Well, I CAN sell you one but I cannot guarantee it like I can all the other fish. Goldfish can grow to be 6 inches and if you dont have enough room for it to grow like a fucking ninja turtle the lungs will under develop and it will die”

Me: “we need to have a little husband-wife internal conversation.  We will come find you”

From here, we stood by the fish and talked for about 15 minutes weighing the options.

@jaredwsmith, who has apparently never owned a fish decided to freak out and think that this fish is going to outgrow a one gallon bowl in 3 weeks and we would have to release it into the wild because it will overpower our entire house and drink all of our wine.

We left PetSmart and came home where I promptly acted like a 4 year old.

15 minutes later we were back in the car to go get a fish.

We marched right in and Nerdy Michelle Trachtenberg wasnt working so we asked her replacement, Punky Brewster, if she would be available to get us a fish. She said “certainly” then asked us what size our tank was.  I confidently told her 1 gallon.

She then proceeded to try and read me the riot act.

I calmly put my hand up and stated “we got this, just give me the fish”.

She got Sparkles out of the tank away from his brothers and sisters and into a little bag.

We then went through all the fish asiles and found the awesomist stuff that we could for a fish named Sparkles. We got hot pink rocks, a bowl that looks like a big wine glass, and an “im crabby” sign.

Sparkles is getting settled in on the bookcase we got for the bedroom that has nothing on it except a lamp we got for our wedding.

Shit @jaredwsmith says: “good thing Sparkles lives in the bedroom, now all 5 of us can sleep in the same room. every. night.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *