Good habits formed at youth make all the difference. – Aristotle

As you probably know, I hate children. They are wet, sticky little creatures that are better left unfertilized and those who make it past the “pull out method” should be left at home with a nanny until they are old enough to vote and even then, they should have a curfew.

@jaredwsmith and I spent a lovely late-morning/early-afternoon at Panera working.  We couldnt enjoy the ambience of Mark announcing every smoothie that was made on the premises over the loud speaker and the weather channel music because everybody who has ever had a child in the last 4 years in Herndon, Virginia wanted to eat at Panera today between the hours of 10:30am and 3:00pm.

After Panera, we left to go to Target to get toilet paper and paper towels. Since it is the saturday before Thanksgiving, everybody wanted to shop at Target to get things to stuff their offspring with so they can enjoy their real friends and family over the age of 22. @jaredwsmith, the kind southerner that he is, offered his cart to a woman getting a hot dog, popcorn, and a coke from the place nobody eats from in Target.  She promptly says thank you and is then swarmed by her children shrieking “mommy” and “i want to sit in the cart” because mommy always lets you sit in the cart and if you thought of something other than power rangers and gummy worms you would remember that.

Shopping at Target at any time on the weekends is better than an IUD.  You see the full spectrum of children.  You have the toddlers who are gumming the shopping cart because mom took away their crayons, you have 7 year olds laying on the floor over some legos, 12 year olds being ungrateful for the Target clothes that mom works 50 hours a week to put on their backs and 16 year olds who are shoplifting iPod accessories.

I think if I ever decide I want a younger person indebted to me I am going to adopt one of those homeless kids in Nebraska. The ones who were abandoned because of the Safe Haven law. But I would want one thats [REDACTED] and is old enough to drive.

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