Since I was a very small child I hate certain noises. I dont fear them, I don’t have Aspergers nor am I Autistic. I may have a mild form of Misophonia. Whatever. Certain noises make me want to smash things.
I like the idea of Panera. Overpriced, mildly ok food, clear plastic cups, soup, wifi, hooray right? Fuck no.
They serve chips and some people can’t fucking handle it. And certain fucking adults can’t handle soup either. Clearly there are some mothers out there who never took the parenting class where they covered manners and how to implement those lessons on their young.
It would do wonders for those of us at Panera who know how the fuck to eat like a grown-up if they could post some fucking rules in a conspicuous location that would cover the following items:
Clean up after yourself, don’t leave a shit ton of crumbs all over your table
If you table 100 napkins out of the dispenser don’t leave them on your table. Nobody will ever use them, trust us, just throw them the fuck away. It’s less hurtful to the environment if you do it because if i have to do it, I’m going to go outside and kick a tree.
Return your buzzer to the proper location. Don’t be a dick. Plain and simple. It’s not that hard, they made it pretty easy on you. Unless you’re too stupid to handle that and in that case please leave.
If you’re going to order chips, chew with your fucking mouth closed or I will personally come over and remove your teeth with my foot so you will be forced to order that bread thing from this point going forward.
If you order soup do not slurp or your privileges will be revoked and you will go to hell where satan himself will give you lessons on manners for all eternity.
So I don’t know a lot about politics. Ok, so I only know what @jaredwsmith tells me 10 days after it happens and @lemursmanlemurs is still ranting about it on twitter so I ask him.
So I felt that I needed to post about politics in light of the upcoming election that I wont vote at because lets be honest, I think that if you don’t know shit about politics, like myself, you shouldn’t be allowed to vote. Kind of like child rearing, if you don’t know anything about them, you shouldn’t be allowed to have them. I feel like that would stop teen pregnancy and put an end to the Maury show and Teen Mom, which would be a damn same. I digress.
So here are my bullet points:
If it’s not in your body, you’re not allowed to have an opinion on it.
If you’re not directly affected by it, you’re not allowed to have an opinion on it.
Health care is mandatory, so be healthy and shut the fuck up, its for your own good.
Shut the fuck up about religion, if you want to fucking pray, let your freak flag fly but dont be a jackass. I’m pretty sure everybody is sick of the same religion argument. How do I vote on that? Who cares less about religion?
Put money into schools equally. I’m not sure how I vote on that, maybe I just need to write a letter on that.
As for taxes? Vote for whoever will put more money back into small businesses because thats who keeps communities running. It keeps my house running anyway. And thats who I would vote for if I could ever figure out how to vote.
The death penalty is cool if you fucked up a lot of people and killed them, but you should die in a humane way even if you didn’t kill those people in a humane way even though it makes you a huge asshole.
We should be investing in green energy because we suck and we fucked up a non-renewable source and we are going to pay for it.
lets make pot legal for crying out loud. Its legal to fuck a horse but not to catch a buzz. Its legal to drive “kind of drunk” but you can’t smoke a bowl in the privacy of your own home. It’s legal to marry your fucking cousin but you can’t grow pot to manage your nausea from chemo when nothing else works and you dont want to put more chemicals in your body.
Welfare…keep it around, some people its their only lifeline. its how they keep food on the table. Some people milk the system, thats how it is with everything. so be it, there are some people who really need it though so you can’t get rid of it.
I took a government class in high school and we had to analyze our stance and mine was “I am a 16 year girl with a 50 year old mans opinion on politics” meaning I was a republican. I blame my parents being from an upscale neighborhood and never wanting for anything i believe made me a young republican and possibly made it so that I never wanted anything to change. I never needed anything to change.
Churchill said that if you are not a liberal by the time you are 25 you have no heart and if you are not a republican by the time you are 35 you have no brain. Well I’m 28, and I’m neither. So I guess that means I am the tinman.