The Imported Cheese Section at Publix

An open letter to the cunt at the imported cheese cooler at the Main Road Public at 5:00pm today:

I know its super fun to go grocery shopping with your “hubby” on a Saturday afternoon.  I am sure you spent today watching football and “OMG SPENT ALL DAY CLEANING” and updating your Facebook profile with pictures of your 18 month old.

I know, shopping is SUCH A CHORE! But you know what, you self-centered piece of white trash, I kind of enjoy it.

Judging by what you had in your cart, you clearly don’t shop often. You had produce in your cart but you have to go through the deli and imported cheese to get to produce, so you are going through the store backwards. You are truly inefficient.

I know bleu cheese is “stinky” and that “gu-y-ee-r” is unheard of in the parts of Georgia you hail from but that jarlsberg is supposed to be DELISH because they mentioned it in The Devil Wears Prada. Don’t forget to hit up the wine section, because god knows the only way your husband can imagine ever having sex with you anymore is when he’s drunk because all you wear is sweatpants in public.

So when you are done interrupting my day at the imported cheese section, go block the asiles while deciding which soup to bring for lunch because after all there are 5 days in a work week which means there are 5 opportunities to bring 5 different types of soup. Mind. Blown.

I hope your shopping experience was truly pleasurable.

Love,

Publix Patrons

 

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