In light of my recent medical…bullshit, I have been prescribed percocet. Now, if you all remember, I used to love Percocet. And Vicodin. And Darvocet. And Percodan. I digress.
One thing I never did was drink on narcotics. You may recall some fan favorites where I did an in depth analysis of Xanax or a little poem I wrote about Ambien. But I never drank on narcotics and you shouldn’t either and here’s a list of reasons why:
- You’re not Whitney Houston. You do not have a singing career to fall back on when you get over this whole “I want to get fucked up on Percocet and Vodka” thing.
- You have a pancreas. Do you know what your pancreas does? It helps regulate the insulin in your body. Do you know what alcohol is? Thats right dumbass, its sugar. So what do you think happens when you have a bum pancreas from drinking too much and a stomach full of pain killers? They react and you get very sick.
- You have a liver, your liver is like a wasteland for all the shit your body doesn’t know what to do with, so all that Tylenol you took when you were 16 when you were trying to “kill yourself” (yes, you fit this demographic, does that hit a little too close to home for you, reader?) wound up in your liver and it damaged it. All those nights you wanted to get “SUUUUUPER FUUUUUCKED UUUPPP” on washington apple shots and Bud Light? Yep, that messed up your liver too. And now, here you are, in your 20’s, googling if you should drink on Vicodin and the answer is no, because it will fuck up your liver.
- You should choose how you want to die. And do you really want to die from heart failure or choking on your own vomit? Come on, go out a little more dramatically.
- You should savor your high. Why would you want to waste a kick ass high on being drunk? A narcotics high makes you super productive, go wash your car or mow your lawn. Stop fucking around on the internet and do something with your life.
Oh what the hell, heres #6!
- What were you prescribed pain killers for? If you weren’t actually prescribed them then you’re a fucking idiot and you deserve to be in pain one day and not have access to narcotics.
So there you go, 6 reasons why you should not drink on narcotics.