Things I Would Rather Do Than Eat Earth Fare Fresh Mozzarella

  • Have extensive dental work
  • Have any kind of surgery that is not done laparoscopically
  • Receive a subway gift card in any denomination
  • Drive a US made vehicle
  • Get operable cancer
  • Drive a vehicle with cloth interior
  • Take all 3 dogs to the vet at one time
  • Go to karaoke with my husband sober
  • Get my hair cut by the ‘pregnant or fat’ girl
  • Drink unfiltered water
  • Drink Folgers coffee
  • Drink Pepsi for an extended period of time
  • Eat fish
  • Drive a used vehicle
  • Buy produce at WalMart
  • Eat raw fish
  • Get pulled over for not using my blinker
  • Get MRSA
  • Go to the DMV at lunch time
  • Go to the bank on a Friday
  • Go to Target on Black Friday
  • Stay up past 11pm
  • Mow my own lawn
  • Have to pee on an airplane
  • Go Caroling
  • Solicit anything from anyone door to door
  • Stand on the side of the road holding a sign
  • Take an art class
  • Go to therapy
  • Talk about gun control
  • Talk aboutĀ religion
  • Be encouraged to sing at church
  • Be tickled
  • Listen to children scream
  • Listen to children whine
  • Have children talk to me
  • Have children wave to me
  • Have parents tell me to wave to their children
  • Have parents tell their children to wave to me
  • Be lectured at Earth Fare about how cruel I am for wanting to eat Veal. Ā Again.
  • Shop at BiLo
  • Buy meat at WalMart

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