and Their Numerous Emails.


I would like to start by saying I love your stuff, I have a ton of it because I use it.

But I need to vent.

I get sometimes 5 or 6 emails from you a day advertising some sale, or sometimes the same sale or some kind of promotion. It’s overkill.

I have been in advertising for my entire career, and I can tell you that you are turning people off. People like me. Who spend sizable amounts of money in your stores. I don’t want to unsubscribe because if you are a quality company (which I assume that you are) you probably look at those unsubscribe rates, and frankly, I don’t want to hurt your feelings (or the feelings of those in your marketing department). Well, really, because I don’t want to totally be cutoff, even though I don’t read most of them, but I would like maybe one a day, mid-day so it doesn’t get deleted in my morning “I hate everything” rant between the time of getting out of bed and my coffee brewing.

So I am proposing that you revise your strategy and know that more is not more, less is more. Like makeup and body fat. Perhaps you would like to use that in your campaign. “Buy now! You need more of our stuff but you need to put the cupcake down!” or “We don’t sell makeup so you don’t have to look like a hooker anymore! 30% off!” Or better yet “We only like to sell stuff to people who tolerate our outstanding marketing department! We validate our work by pissing you off! Buy 3 get 3 Free!”

Some concluding thoughts:

Nice work with the moving gifs, I would go as far as to call them tasteful. Yes, gif and tasteful do not belong in the same sentence, but what can you do? My focus for the day is waning.

Can we agree to bring the emails from 6 daily to like 3 daily? One overnight, one mid-day, and one around 4:30. I say 4:30 because thats when people are winding down for the day and start farting around on the internet, hence they will probably buy more. Ta da! see how that works?

In stores, your sales associates are so nice. But the bags are so big. I know why this is, but if I need to buy three things, and I only have two hands (except for the times that I have 3 hands), what do I do? Frankly my willpower beats the shit out of these mommy bloggers who actually read your banal and oppressing emails, I just need a little bag. A baglett. A mini bag.

Yours very truly,