Midterms are upon us. For those of you who read my blog, these rules apply.
- Don’t ask me what’s for dinner, thats why I put the Dominos app on your phone
- Don’t ask me about my Lowes Bullshit Warranty and if I renewed it. The answer is no and if I see you again I will suck the eyeballs out of your skull and spit them back at you
- You noticed the house isn’t clean. Clean it.
- Don’t ask me if the dogs have been hugged/fed/cleaned/let out. Assume no, and just do it. Leave me alone.
- Do not ask how the “studying is going” because you can assume it is going poorly otherwise I would have told you
- To my neighbors, stay the fuck away from my house, it makes my dogs bark, LIKE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED
- This also goes for postal workers, we don’t need our mail until 3/31, thanks
- Don’t email me looking for a job. Just. Don’t. If we were hiring it would explicitly say so on our website. Don’t see it? Probably because it’s not there.
- To my immediate neighbor who has never even said hello to us, my dogs tell me that you get your yard landscaped twice a week. I will have you know that last semester during finals, I paid them $50 to GTFO for the rest of the day
- I know my office is filthy, I don’t need you to come tell me
So there it is friends, I will be cheerful and back to my old tricks on 3/31. Until then get away from me.