Midterms.

Midterms are upon us.  For those of you who read my blog, these rules apply.

  1. Don’t ask me what’s for dinner, thats why I put the Dominos app on your phone
  2. Don’t ask me about my Lowes Bullshit Warranty and if I renewed it.  The answer is no and if I see you again I will suck the eyeballs out of your skull and spit them back at you
  3. You noticed the house isn’t clean. Clean it.
  4. Don’t ask me if the dogs have been hugged/fed/cleaned/let out.  Assume no, and just do it. Leave me alone.
  5. Do not ask how the “studying is going” because you can assume it is going poorly otherwise I would have told you
  6.  To my neighbors, stay the fuck away from my house, it makes my dogs bark, LIKE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED
  7. This also goes for postal workers, we don’t need our mail until 3/31, thanks
  8. Don’t email me looking for a job. Just. Don’t.  If we were hiring it would explicitly say so on our website.  Don’t see it?  Probably because it’s not there.
  9. To my immediate neighbor who has never even said hello to us, my dogs tell me that you get your yard landscaped twice a week. I will have you know that last semester during finals, I paid them $50 to GTFO for the rest of the day
  10. I know my office is filthy, I don’t need you to come tell me

So there it is friends, I will be cheerful and back to my old tricks on 3/31.  Until then get away from me.