I don’t like trying new things, as you know, but ever since you left me when I went back to school, I have been a neurotic mess. Did you know that I have to take Xanax now? That’s you. That’s you all day long, Comfort Zone.
Remember the good days? Just you and me, hanging out, in our underwear, playing video games at 2:00 during a week day. That’s what I miss.
What really upsets me is that not only did you leave me, you took my Dignity with you. I haven’t matched my clothing since you left. I go to the grocery store in slippers now. And when I am there, the only thing I buy is cereal. I am trying to woo you back.
DO NOT tell me that I need to “broaden my horizons,” my horizons were just fine, thanks.
Come back to me, Comfort Zone. Bring your pal Dignity with you. Also, if you can find Adulthood, that would be great too.
I would like to say that this wasn’t my fault. No, no, it wasn’t yours or Dignity’s fault either. You want to blame my husband? Sure. He’s not here to defend himself. Why not?
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