BOCL: c. 2009

***I was dating my husband at the time when I wrote this.  He was in CHS and I was in HHI. Clearly I did not find a new suitor on Craigslist because we (Jared and I) got married. I did get called a bitch a lot for this, however.

Full Time Position (hilton head island)

compensation: my affection
I am currently seeking a full time boyfriend.My current boyfriend lives about 2 hours away and we can only be together on the weekends so after careful consideration, I have elected to lay him off.I am going to need somebody available 2-3 nights a week, and maybe a saturday or sunday afternoon.I am of normal size, so no heavy lifting will be require although you may be required to move some of my shit from time to time.  Any other heft I may have is emotional.

I enjoy eating a great deal, some of my previous boyfriends were afraid to eat in public, so you will be required to pass an eating test.

The minimum requirements are as follows:

-Bug Killing (even roaches and spiders)
-Beer Drinking (but still drive my drunk ass home)
-Full Time Employment
-Your own friends
-A vehicle manufactured in this decade
-A regular Hygiene schedule
-Ability to pass a drug test for “hard” drugs (i.e. meth and heroin. Cocaine is negotiable if you have a decent dealer)
-Clean cheating record
-Ownership of a pet is a plus
-Strong stomach for Lifetime Movie Network
-You must possess furniture that you have purchased post post-secondary (No Futons)
-Ability to operate a dishwasher
-Creativity (in the bedroom and out) is important but not a total deal breaker
-No children or ex-wives
-Must own at least one tie

Please include a photo from the waist up, with a list of 3 references including past girlfriends

  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
  • do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers

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