I’d like to personally express my deepest and most sincere condolences for the mens no-show off-brand sock that was discovered without a mate on a cold and wet sidewalk this morning. Losing a mate is the hardest thing that one can live through. The heartbreak of being left behind stings. Perhaps some underclassman was hauling his laundry from one place to another. Surely it was an accident. It had to be, right? Who would throw a perfectly good sock away? The future of this sock is going to be very different than the future of his mate. Sure, his mate will go on, have other mismatched mates, but the sidewalk sock will leave an indelible impression on the still wanted sock. Sure, they were off-brand, but they were off-brand together. Purchased by some penny-pinching mother in a time of duress. Her baby boy was leaving the nest and then he discards one like it means nothing to him. His mother means nothing to him.
What cruel human being would split up two socks that are clearly made for one another?
My poor, dear sock, I cannot adopt you. You are too broken. On the sidewalk you will remain until perhaps, and hopefully your mate comes looking for you. You were once useful and loved as much as an off-brand sock could be.
Good luck, mens off-brand sock. God speed.