Meyer Lemon Bars!

These are like little Lemon Meringue pies. They are a little time consuming but well worth it. You will need a stand mixer for this recipe.


  • 1 stick of unsalted butter — since butter is almost $5/lb for name brand, i use salted…
  • 1/4 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla — or if you’re like me and always forget that vanilla doesnt come in a squirty container you end up with one tablespoon…
  • 1 tablespoon lemon peel — i just zested 1 large lemon
  • 1 cup flour, sifted
  • pinch of salt – i didnt use salt because i used salted butter

To make the crust:

  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Line an 8-inch square pan with foil. Mix butter, sugar, vanilla, and lemon peel in the bowl of an electric stand mixer. Add flour and salt; beat until blended (about 2 minutes).
  2. Press dough into the bottom of the prepared pan; bake 20-30 minutes or until golden. Remove crust to cool ; reduce oven temp to 300 degrees.

Let me tell you something. I am not a patient person. That crust probably didn’t cool as long as it should have. It’s fine. I’m over it.

Now that you have your crust in the oven, lets make some the filling.


  • 1/4 cup granulated sugar
  • 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 2 eggs + 1 egg yoke — or 2 eggs, 1 egg yoke and part of an egg white because you read the recipe wrong 🙂
  • 1/3 cup freshly squeeze meyer lemon juice — run this through a strainer. Seeds in your bars make you look bad.
  • 2 tablespoons lemon peel — or not. i forgot it. it’s fine.
To make the filling:
  1. In a large bowl, mix together flour and sugar (its like not even a cup of stuff, use a normal sized bowl…). Whisk together eggs, yoke, lemon juice and peel in bowl of electric stand mixer; add flour mixture.  Mix until well blended. Pour over baked crust and return to 300 degree oven for 15-20 minutes.

This doesn’t seem like a lot of filling.  It barely covers that crust. It’s ok, you will cover it up.

If you’ve never made before meringue, just go slow. It’s pretty cool when it actually works.
  • 2/3 cup egg whites (about 5 eggs — I used 6 and had a lot of meringue)
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
To make meringue:
  1. When the bars have cooled, you can make this. Preheat broiler. Combine egg whites and sugar in a large mixing bowl. Set bowl in a pan with simmering water. Sit egg mixture gently 1 minute until sugar has dissolved. When mixture is warm, remove bowl from water, add cream of tartar and salt.
  2. Beat mixture at high speed until whites stand in peaks (it took about 10 minutes or so with my mixer on 10). Gently spread or mound meringue mixture over lemon bars. Place bars under broiler and broil 1-2 minutes or until peaks are slightly brown. Cool and serve. Or just eat out of the pan like we do.
Mine got a little overdone but I am sure they are fine.  I wasn’t watching as closely as i should have been.


So hey, look, it’s some recipes

So I like to bake and apparently everyone else who works from home does this so I wanted to fit in.

My goals in baking are as follows:

  • dirty up as many dishes as possible
  • make something so sweet @jaredwsmith kills a whole gallon of milk eating
  • It has to fit on my cake plate I am too lazy to put away, so it sits on my counter

I have decided to start publicly humiliating myself and my baking skills on my blog so that you too can bake with as little skill and as much valor as I do.

Oh, Ambien

You’re so small and round
I would never put you on the ground
Instead, I want to put you in my pocket
Like it were my locket
But I don’t put you in my pocket
I eat you
And you’re delicious

Sometimes I take you while drinking
And it had me thinking
How awesome that is
You make me jump on the bed
and rename @jaredwsmith to Ted
I touched the ceiling
And it had me believing
The ceiling should be the new floor
They should give me ambien more

Not like other benzo’s
You make me feel like Denzel, sort of
You help me sleep
Even if I’m on my feet
You’re my best friend
To the bitter end


I’m bipolar. manic depressive. crazy.

Well, I’m not just bipolar, to be more specific, I am bipolar I with rapid cycling, OCD and acutely agoraphobic. I take a stupid amount of pills everyday, I pay a very nice woman every week to talk to me about the stupid shit I have done and I pay another very nice woman every month to write me prescriptions for drugs that have side effects like your eyes rolling back in your head and getting stuck, irreversible rashes, hair loss, weight gain, tremor and liver failure — those are just the funnest ones.

You may remember a time when I was a lot more fun than I am now. I only remember parts of those times because most of the time I was blacked out.

I abuse alcohol and drugs, I have put my family and friends through hell and yet people still want to judge me.

I’m not unemployed, I’m not on disability.  When I had a job in a “normal” work setting, my illness never made me miss a day. I pay my taxes, walk my dogs, enjoy shopping, and enjoy cooking. I don’t run down the street in my underwear flailing dirty needles, I don’t fake pregnancies to trap men and I don’t belong in an institution.

Mental illness is not something that can be helped but there are things that you can do to treat the symptoms, which is all I do.

So thats that, take from it what you will but be careful with your words, when I am lucid, they hurt.